When it comes to satisfying your partner's sexual desires, enthusiasm and experimentation can go a long way. But it also helps to keep brushing up on your basic skills, and if your partner has a vulva, those skills should include knowing how to touch it with your fingers.
and know thatNodoing is just as important as knowing what to do. “Remember that touching someone's vagina shouldn't look or feel like a jackhammer unless specifically requested by your partner! the right way," says Anne Hodder-Shipp, an ACS-certified sex educator. "Remember, your fingers are jointed and can bend and bend."
Here, Hodder-Shipp and other experts share their top 10 tips to ensure your next fingering session, aka fingering, is a huge success.
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1. Keep it clean
It may sound simple enough, but Hodder-Shipp encourages anyone getting ready to touch their partner to make sure their hands are clean and their fingernails are neat and trimmed.
In fact, it might be fun for someone to exfoliate and moisturize their hands before playing with their partner, she advises.Jamila Dawson, LMFT, interdisciplinary sex therapist.
If you have longer nails or a special manicure: Hodder-Shipp recommends wearing a nitrile glove and placing a cotton ball on your fingertips so that the cotton forms a comfortable barrier between the manicure and your partner's body when applied. use.
2. Consider this anatomy lesson
Porn wants us to believe that deeper is better when it comes to vaginal penetration, but that's not always the case. Most of the nerves to the vagina are in the first third of the vaginal canal, Hodder-Shipp notes, so going very deep isn't really necessary, unless that's the sensation you want.
3. Look for the lubricant
"Lubricant is an absolute must for manual sex," he emphasizes.english teeth, ACS, Certified Sex Educator and author. “Fingers on the clitoris, or in the vagina, require a barrier and a little extra lubrication so they don't feel like sandpaper pressing against the nether regions. Always liberally lubricate your partner's fingers and clitoris before proceeding."
Dawson recommends using a good quality water based lubricant.Pjuror a silicone and water based hybrid like Fuck Water.
4. Start slow
"Remember that when you're aroused, the vagina 'tends' and lengthens," Hodder-Shipp explains. Because of this, you need to make sure your partner is most aroused and receptive to penetration before inserting a finger, or anything else.
A sexy move to try while you work to keep your partner horny, concerned, and ready for more: "Suctioning on the vulva to allow heat from your hand to transfer to the vulva can be very sensual," advises Dawson.
In general, any time you start a new sexual activity, it's best to go slow, says Hodder-Shipp. That way, you can see how it feels and get into the groove. Not to mention, quick movements in the vaginal area can sometimes be uncomfortable, especially at first, she notes. With all that being said, make sure you get into any type of penetration.
5. Put on the clitoris
As you begin to increase the intensity of the act, Engle advises "definitely focus on the clitoris," specifically the outer part at the tip of the clitoris. “This organ is the only one in the entire human body whose purpose is pleasure,” he points out. "You have 8,000 nerve endings in the outer glans penis alone, which is twice the number of nerve endings in the glans penis."
She continues: "Just like oral sex, if your partner is moving on top of it in a constant motion, manual sex will most likely result in an orgasm."glans clitorisUnlike oral sex, however, you need to be a little more gentle when using your fingers. "If you push too hard, it can get uncomfortable," she says.
The giving partner should draw clockwise circles around the clitoris with their index and middle fingers, Engle advises. They can then try moving their fingers up and down, from side to side, or in a figure eight.
If you're the receiving partner, listen to your body and don't be afraid to ask for something else if it doesn't work for you, she says.
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6. Spend time at the front of the vaginal opening.
Although the clitoris is often essential to reaching orgasm, you should also stimulate it at the front of the vaginal opening because it's stressful, Engle explains.
"The bottom part of the opening, called the fork, is a great place to tease and play," she says. "Try squeezing your fingers around the vaginal opening. Maybe slide a finger in. Don't stop there, touch and play with your lips. Maybe you'd enjoy a gentle tug. Your lips cover the inner legs of the clitoris. Taste Try different things and see what works for your body."
7. Remember that the receiving partner is responsible
"If you're the one fingering, your partner is really the one calling the shots," says Hodder-Shipp. "Only they know how you feel and what adjustments they may need to make you comfortable. So it's important to be present and ready for feedback and pay attention to how your partner's voice and body language sounds and looks." .
Although some people make noises and say exactly what they want—or don't mean to—it's important to remember that not everyone is comfortable making vocal noises when they feel like it, says Hodder-Shipp. While silence isn't necessarily a bad sign, it is a signal to raise your hand and ask things like "How does it feel?" "Do you like that?" or "Would you like some more lube?"
And don't be nervous if you have to change things on the spot to find your rhythm.Kristine D'Angelo, a clinical sexologist and board-certified sex trainer, says, "While stimulating the clitoris, alternate between using the pads of your fingers, the entire length of your fingers, and even the palm of your hand," she recommends. "Ask your partner, 'More pressure or less pressure?' Some people need light pressure, while others like a lot of pressure."
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8. Once you find a rhythm that works, stick with it.
While you may be looking for a cadence that's guaranteed to take your partner's breath away, there's no "best" pace to follow, Hodder-Shipp notes. "Every vagina responds differently to finger and hand simulation," she explains.
However, once you find a rhythm that seems to work, whether it's your partner moaning and saying, "Yeah, right there," or your hips lifting and moving with the motion of your fingers, don't change it. "Keep this going until your partner says it's over or orgasm occurs," says Hodder-Shipp.
9. Try this "twist"
When it comes to penetrating your partner with more than one finger, D'Angelo recommends trying this variation: "Make a V with your index and middle fingers," he advises. "Twist those fingers as if you were crossing your fingers, but keep both fingers fairly straight as they curl. Use your crossed fingers to enter your vagina and begin to rotate your wrist slowly to create a swirling effect."
10. Know when to hit the brakes
As the receiving partner, if something hurts or you feel uncomfortable, awkward, or feel like your partner needs to push their fingers, take a break or stop and do something you enjoy more, advises Hodder-Shipp.
If you are the giving partner, keep reaching out. As Engle points out: "Always remember, when you're not sure if something is working, just ask, 'Does it feel good? I want to make sure that what I'm doing feels good for you.'"